A.Q. Miller School of Journalism. I blame you first. If I had known what I wanted to do before I came to college, I would not be sitting here in the basement of the K-State Union, drowning out Salsaritas music with Christmas Music (which I can't believe I am listening to before Thanksgiving, but my life is at a low, and this is one thing that can make it better) I would probably sitting at the University of Missouri, where maybe, there would be a professor that is under the age of 60 and knows something about technology. Maybe there, I would graduate with confidence in myself, that I could go out and find a job because I have had training on web design, and all the Adobe Creative Suite. Maybe there, I would have a school that is well known for a journalism degree, so that when someone looks at my resume they are impressed, rather then K-State? and start a laughing. Maybe there, they would be FRIENDLY when you enroll for classes, and not judge you or NOT SHOW UP FOR WORK when you have to turn in your STUPID piece of paper to let you enroll. I'm just saying.
I blame networking. You suck. Just cause I don't have the contacts/ confidence to bug people and ask about my portfolio doesn't mean I can't do a good job (from what I know, see above). I don't get how you are just supposed to all the sudden know people in your field, and they are just supposed to get you a job? WHat? then why do I even have a resume? Does anyone just hire these days? Nope. Maybe I should pay for a class about networking, rather then taking 6 classes about geology. "Do you know of anyone that can help you get an internship?" "No, but I can tell you what kind of cleavage that sedimentary rock has..." "YOUR HIRED". Yeah, like thats going to happen.
If college is about getting a degree and then getting a job, the LET ME TAKE CLASSES THAT WILL HELP ME. rather then telling me "No, you can't take web techniques, because there are too many advertising majors in there." WHAT? HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO COMPETE WITH THEM when we all graduate then?! Offer classes that tell me about insurance, what to do when you are unemployed and other such life lessons that I will soon learn in about 6 months. Don't make me take classes about rocks, biology or math.
What I want to do is design. Layout design, web design, create something. However, in the world, you need a graphic design degree to do such things. Did anyone ever tell me that I could have done a minor in graphic design? nope. sure didn't. And yes, i realize some of this is my fault, but I can't be expected to know everything. I want to find a job where I can be taught and work and create. I want a job in a new place, somewhere out of my comfort zone. Someplace I can be stretched and live without worry about finances.
But for now, I just worry. I have a constant thought of "I have no clue where or what I will be doing in 6 months." and this scares the living pants off me but also gets me excited cause who knows what God is going to bring to me in 6 months. Who know who I will meet, and start writing the next chapter of my life with. New friends, new coworkers, it all excites me. But for now, all I can hope for is Christmas break, and getting the things on my list like a toaster oven.
I know that this is all very negative and I do have so much to be grateful for, I have a house, I have food, I have friends, I have family. The Lord is good to me, and I love him for it. But to be honest, I have no clue what he has planned for me, I have not heard his voice in a long time.
School has consumed me more then any other semester, and everything I do in it tells me I just am not good enough. I don't know how to react from multiple things, classes, people telling me that it isn't up to par. Then teach me, show me, make me better. I can take criticism, I can take honesty, but please, PLEASE help me get better. Help me get the confidence to at least apply for jobs. That is all I am asking.
Love,
A troubled, low confident, not wanting to go to Grad School and just wants a job in May
Tricia.
