take me back to when i was two.

remember when you were little and played dress up and make believe and thought everything in the world was great? i can't help but think about this while i babysit one of the cutest little girls in the world. she get so excited about everything, it is so great to watch. but when does that stop? when do you start realizing that there are people in the world that are just out there to make money and don't care what people think of them. when do you realize that all this emotional baggage you carry around is because of how you have been brought up and how people have let you down or broken your heart. when does that start becoming reality? and where does that innocent, "the world is so great" attitude go?

i like to believe people are "good". they are looking out for each other and honestly want to see people succeed. but that just isn't the case. there are people out there who bring guns to school and kill people, people out there who rip innocent people off and just are not very nice people.

and the "good" people aren't that good either, we all mess up, we all hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally) and we all need someone to save us. and daily, I start to realize that i NEED Jesus. through all the pain, betrayal, hurt and suffering, he is there, he is my rock, he is how i get through the day. and i haven't experienced that in so long--because i have been placing my trust/hope/joy in others- and continually get let down. and it feels so good to know that he is there, holding me, watching over me, and planning out the rest of my life- so i don't have to worry about it.

but it would be nice to go back to being 2 for a day, and getting to experience that "life is great, the world is great, and i have no cares" attitude

product of my mother.

went to my first kappa alumni association meeting tonight.

(wore jeans..this was a big no-no i guess. i'm sure the old ladies were not happy with me)

signed up to be communication chair.

(hoping to redeem myself for wearing jeans..)

realized..what? Did i really just sign up to do that?

(mental note, never wear jeans to a place where "ladies" will be- they don't like jeans)

yes. i did.

on another note...there is a hostage at the apartment complex down the road from me- and all these cops are outside.

welcome to my life. getting committed to things right away-and living in the hood.

just what i need.

friends. readers. whoever.

so i got the new sara bareilles cd on tuesday. Her first single "King of Anything" is great. I loved her first cd, and when I saw she was coming out with another, I got excited, and then when I read the track names, I got even more excited.. because just the titles told me I would relate to the album. they are as follows...

• 1. Kaleidoscope Heart
• 2. Uncharted
• 3. Gonna Get Over You
• 4. Hold My Heart
• 5. King Of Anything
• 6. Say You're Sorry
• 7. The Light
• 8. Basket Case
• 9. Let The Rain
• 10. Machine Gun
• 11. Not Alone
• 12. Breathe Again
• 13. Bluebird

I love the lyrics, she is so real, and so easy to relate to- and every time I listen to any of the songs--i'm like- I'VE BEEN THERE! I KNOW THAT FEELING! and it just makes the songs so much better. ugh, i just LOVE this CD..and it was exactly what I needed.

(yes, it is a chick singing about love and break ups and moving on and all that stuff, but she does it so nicely)

so go to itunes and listen to little snippits of it..and buy it. because it is that good... and if you are disappointed, then i'm sorry..just be thankful i didn't dedicate a post to miley cyrus and tell you to go listen to her CD.

timing.

isn't timing funny? it is something i will never understand. God's timing for things- it is so curiously exciting. (if that even makes sense).

like i am so curious about what his timing looks for my life, and i am excited to see what is going to happen in the future..get it?

but seriously. timing is everything, you have heard that before, right? Whether it is about relationships, cooking, eating, or even playing a simple game. if you don't hit it at the right time, then you lose.

God's timing-so often it seems unfair. why was it time for this young girl to die? or why wasn't the right time for me to get a job here? or why was it the right time for them to get married and not me?

I think people struggle with these questions so much as believers, and unbelievers. and it is hard for me to understand too- but today at church, they talked about hope.

and we should be so utterly amazed that a God who plans all these things, has a special timing for everyone and everything- and it is different for all. I should place my hope and trust in God, knowing he knows the right timing for me with whatever I want- relationships, jobs, etc. and that is what I should be focused on. Regardless of what I think is right for me, he KNOWS what is right for me, and that is so cool, ya know?

and I should focus on these things. and then, i should look at what I spend my time focusing on, and what idols are there, taking up my time. (and there are a lot.)

but i also think his timing is funny. cause, it is. and I think He sits up there, laughing when our timing is so different then his. because we think we know. haha.

*i realize this post probably makes no sense and it is just me thinking while typing, but whatever, no one reads this thing anyways, just putting my thoughts into words..or something.

but if you do read this, thanks!

^1-2 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

^3-4Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.