my life as of recently.

story of my life. but hopefully someone will need me.

on college humor. check.

and thats about it.

adventure.

so this whole year, i have been saying that i want an adventure for when i graduate. go somewhere, somewhere fun, exciting, full of unknowns and new people. but what i am slowly learning is that God has had me on an adventure this whole year.

i have lived with incredible girls, and gone through crazy times. fun times, where we laugh and dance, and horrible times where we cry and are mad. i have been on an emotional roller coaster the past couple of weeks because i don't know how to deal with all this chance, especially because i don't have change yet. i don't have a job, i don't have school, i just have me. and that is an adventure. I need to slow down, listen to God and figure out what he is telling me. and my idea of going somewhere new and crazy is looking more and more like it won't happen. but i'm okay with that.

i wanted so bad to do something that no one expected, move somewhere where i had this awesome job and start this new life. but do i want a new life? new friends? if there has been one thing God has consistently given me throughout my life, its good friends. Why would I run from that? Why would I just say, Oh thanks God, but i can find good friends in another city....no. i love my friends, i would be SO sad without them. and they are mostly living in Kansas City. so its looking more and more like that could be an adventure.

living in KC, not in southern joco. because i would rather live in a box then move back to southern joco...thats been my whole life. give me a cute little old apartment with character in downtown KC. give me my own space there. let me have an adventure. that way i can experience this adventure with my friends. people i love. people i am comfortable with. we can have an adventure together.

and maybe God has something great planned for me in KC. i'll just have to wait and see i guess. In his time he will tell me. i just hope it is soon. because it has been summer officially for like one day. and i got bored...maybe someone* is rubbing off on me.

*this someone gets restless and bored very easily, which is one of the things i like most about him.

there went college.

so its my last friday of my college career. and i have not had class on fridays all year. yet i am sitting in the library, surrounded by finance notes and getting more and more upset at them. because i don't like them, i don't think like them, and its making me mad.

i am about to have a break down in the middle of hale for the following reasons.

• i don't get finance, and if i don't get it, i will have to retake it and prolong graduation.

• people are leaving me. going to bigger and better things, kamp, africa, life etc.

• the thing i have been talking about all year, graduation, is next week. WHAT? its finally here and I am still lost.

• not only am i lost, but i am just now realizing i am also out of money.

its just a weird time. i don't know how to explain my feelings. i am so happy for my friend and their summer plans, but im still sad that i won't see them for months. maybe i will just live in my car and go visit them.

i guess i am going out in style here in Hale.

but i have loved college, and i don't think it has fully hit me how much i am going to miss it.

a minor freakout.

ahh.

im being emotional this week.

Is this what my life is going to be like in three weeks?

things are happening. school is ending. people are leaving. and i am not. i have not seen any glimpse of my future. i still have been applying for jobs, but never hearing anything back. yes, maybe i should have networked more but i don't even know if that would have helped.

my back is always tense

i am getting headaches like 394 times a day

and i think its because i am freaking out about the future....because pretty soon it will be NOW.

so i have started listening to every backstreet boy song to make me feel young again.

or something. i don't really think that is helping.

BAHHH is all i can do right now.

my old dream.

obviously, that dream is in the past. i am still trying to figure out my next dream though....

maybe i did pick the right major?

i hate the white sox. but this is good