a minor freakout.

ahh.

im being emotional this week.

Is this what my life is going to be like in three weeks?

things are happening. school is ending. people are leaving. and i am not. i have not seen any glimpse of my future. i still have been applying for jobs, but never hearing anything back. yes, maybe i should have networked more but i don't even know if that would have helped.

my back is always tense

i am getting headaches like 394 times a day

and i think its because i am freaking out about the future....because pretty soon it will be NOW.

so i have started listening to every backstreet boy song to make me feel young again.

or something. i don't really think that is helping.

BAHHH is all i can do right now.

my old dream.

obviously, that dream is in the past. i am still trying to figure out my next dream though....

maybe i did pick the right major?

i hate the white sox. but this is good

it's complicated.

BAH! its spring! did it sneak up on you?

my life is soon coming to what i had been expecting all year long. graduation.

and no, i still don't know what i am doing. hence the title of this post. it's complicated.

it's complicated when people ask me what i am doing in may

it's complicated when people ask me what i want out of my life

it's complicated when you change your mind about things every hour and logic is different then feelings....

and

it's complicated to explain that i don't want to be in kansas city where my friends and family are.

for my birthday, i got a Garmin. this is part of the adventure--to go somewhere where i will actually need to use it, and not just use it because i have it (like i did tonight when i drove from KC to Manhattan. i can drive that with my eyes closed, but i love using new things!) and i do have this peace about my future, like i know God has something planned for me and he is going to show me so soon.

there are just so many things about this year that i didn't see coming and that have helped me understand myself a little more. and the fact that in one year, i will be in a completely different spot in my life, scares me--but one year ago i was in a whole different spot too and i'm fine.

so i will just keep living in this complicated life until things start to sort out.

and i will leave you with this. because it is simple. and not complicated.

march madness....

...it comes before april madness. but that is a different type of blog post..

spring break is over! oh no! where has time gone? soon it will be may and i will be on a break from school forever.. FOREVER. but you knew that.

over spring break i (i have realized i like to make lists..so that's what is about to happen now)

• worked baseball games in the freezing cold. not so happy about that.

• traveled down to arkansas and revisited my high school self with linds and emmy. great times are always had with them.

• went shopping. i forgot how much i love to shop. i don't do it much. but i was back in my element in joco and had to take advantage of it.

• went to the dr/dentist. dear doctor, i will never eat again because of your scale.

• watched so much basketball and LOVED it. Especially when KU LOST and KSTATE WON. and we are going to the SWEET FREAKING 16! and its so fun.

go here www.lgcollegesports.com and click ambassadors and then look for me! I am famous again!

• watched a dear friend get MARRIED. oh my goodness. another married friend. i am getting old.

• see JOHN MAYER live. which has been on my bucket list.*

so all in all, a pretty good senior year spring break. hope yours was too...

LOVE

*at the publication of this blog post i had not seen john mayer yet, but i doubt he could disappoint

kk inspired me to blog. and i am tired of studying

hello from hale.

I have been here for three days. and i feel like i still don't know half of what i am doing, but the answers come out right so i can't complain.

and i won't complain.

things that have happened to me recently.

• i got a haircut this morning. it's short. and sassy. watch out world.

• my dad called this morning saying he has a suite for the game tomorrow night. kansas city here i come.

• i got a job for three weeks with CBS Sports, doing viral marketing for the tournament. I will be doing things like taking pictures and videos of k-state fans doing crazy things like singing the fight song, etc. if you want to participate, please let me know.

• i got a traffic ticket* this is not something to brag about. but i thought you should know.

• my ipod hook up broke in my car, while i was getting my insurance out for my traffic ticket...i just thought about this and how it is going to stink when i drive to kc tomorrow and back by myself..i will count how many times i hear justin biebers "baby" on the radio and let you know.

so that is what has been happening in my life as of recently, thanks for caring!

*no i was not speeding--as many of you might think. it was because i turned left where i shouldn't have. stupid cops on foot..