take me back to when i was two.

remember when you were little and played dress up and make believe and thought everything in the world was great? i can't help but think about this while i babysit one of the cutest little girls in the world. she get so excited about everything, it is so great to watch. but when does that stop? when do you start realizing that there are people in the world that are just out there to make money and don't care what people think of them. when do you realize that all this emotional baggage you carry around is because of how you have been brought up and how people have let you down or broken your heart. when does that start becoming reality? and where does that innocent, "the world is so great" attitude go?

i like to believe people are "good". they are looking out for each other and honestly want to see people succeed. but that just isn't the case. there are people out there who bring guns to school and kill people, people out there who rip innocent people off and just are not very nice people.

and the "good" people aren't that good either, we all mess up, we all hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally) and we all need someone to save us. and daily, I start to realize that i NEED Jesus. through all the pain, betrayal, hurt and suffering, he is there, he is my rock, he is how i get through the day. and i haven't experienced that in so long--because i have been placing my trust/hope/joy in others- and continually get let down. and it feels so good to know that he is there, holding me, watching over me, and planning out the rest of my life- so i don't have to worry about it.

but it would be nice to go back to being 2 for a day, and getting to experience that "life is great, the world is great, and i have no cares" attitude

product of my mother.

went to my first kappa alumni association meeting tonight.

(wore jeans..this was a big no-no i guess. i'm sure the old ladies were not happy with me)

signed up to be communication chair.

(hoping to redeem myself for wearing jeans..)

realized..what? Did i really just sign up to do that?

(mental note, never wear jeans to a place where "ladies" will be- they don't like jeans)

yes. i did.

on another note...there is a hostage at the apartment complex down the road from me- and all these cops are outside.

welcome to my life. getting committed to things right away-and living in the hood.

just what i need.

friends. readers. whoever.

so i got the new sara bareilles cd on tuesday. Her first single "King of Anything" is great. I loved her first cd, and when I saw she was coming out with another, I got excited, and then when I read the track names, I got even more excited.. because just the titles told me I would relate to the album. they are as follows...

• 1. Kaleidoscope Heart
• 2. Uncharted
• 3. Gonna Get Over You
• 4. Hold My Heart
• 5. King Of Anything
• 6. Say You're Sorry
• 7. The Light
• 8. Basket Case
• 9. Let The Rain
• 10. Machine Gun
• 11. Not Alone
• 12. Breathe Again
• 13. Bluebird

I love the lyrics, she is so real, and so easy to relate to- and every time I listen to any of the songs--i'm like- I'VE BEEN THERE! I KNOW THAT FEELING! and it just makes the songs so much better. ugh, i just LOVE this CD..and it was exactly what I needed.

(yes, it is a chick singing about love and break ups and moving on and all that stuff, but she does it so nicely)

so go to itunes and listen to little snippits of it..and buy it. because it is that good... and if you are disappointed, then i'm sorry..just be thankful i didn't dedicate a post to miley cyrus and tell you to go listen to her CD.

timing.

isn't timing funny? it is something i will never understand. God's timing for things- it is so curiously exciting. (if that even makes sense).

like i am so curious about what his timing looks for my life, and i am excited to see what is going to happen in the future..get it?

but seriously. timing is everything, you have heard that before, right? Whether it is about relationships, cooking, eating, or even playing a simple game. if you don't hit it at the right time, then you lose.

God's timing-so often it seems unfair. why was it time for this young girl to die? or why wasn't the right time for me to get a job here? or why was it the right time for them to get married and not me?

I think people struggle with these questions so much as believers, and unbelievers. and it is hard for me to understand too- but today at church, they talked about hope.

and we should be so utterly amazed that a God who plans all these things, has a special timing for everyone and everything- and it is different for all. I should place my hope and trust in God, knowing he knows the right timing for me with whatever I want- relationships, jobs, etc. and that is what I should be focused on. Regardless of what I think is right for me, he KNOWS what is right for me, and that is so cool, ya know?

and I should focus on these things. and then, i should look at what I spend my time focusing on, and what idols are there, taking up my time. (and there are a lot.)

but i also think his timing is funny. cause, it is. and I think He sits up there, laughing when our timing is so different then his. because we think we know. haha.

*i realize this post probably makes no sense and it is just me thinking while typing, but whatever, no one reads this thing anyways, just putting my thoughts into words..or something.

but if you do read this, thanks!

^1-2 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

^3-4Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you'll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

its like, you can never plan your life.

ok,

i have learned my lesson. i'll stop.

i had plans last year, graduate, get a job in this fun, new, exciting place, and start this new life, and be so not the person anyone expected me to be. take a leap of faith and just go somewhere not knowing anyone and go on this adventure. and those plans, nope. that did not happen.

i got a job in the one place i wasn't looking, i moved in with someone i knew, and in a city i grew up in. and i had all these new plans, to have a new sort of adventure... and then, just as i was starting to adjust its like,

woah, don't even think about it. ya know?

i know that life is always changing, and you are always going through times, good/bad/rough/exciting/new/same/etc... but sometimes, don't you ever think--life isn't fair. just flat out, isn't fair, not what you deserve, not what you expected, etc etc etc. but i am certain God put me right where i NEED to be, surrounded by the people who I need to be surrounded by. i have always felt so so so blessed by the friendships i have, and i am continued to be amazed by the support, love and loyalty of my friends. and I know that in these times when my plans are like way off then God's, he is just saying, dude(ette), let it go, i know what is best for you, and even if it hurts or is hard or is challenging or is not what you expected, I'm here, watching over you. Find peace, find assurance in that.

and this time, I am, and I hope that next time you are faced with some silly situation, or things don't work out perfectly, you just stop and think, maybe the plans i was making, wouldn't have worked out. and i still plan on having that new adventure, it will just happen, without my plans.

and the bible verse my dad made me memorize a couple years ago to get my christmas presents tells me just that, looks like it got me more then just christmas presents. it gives me hope and a future.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

one week down.

friends,

i am now an adult

well kinda. i don't really feel like I am an adult until i start drinking coffee every morning, so i'm going to start. i'll let you know how that goes.

but my first week of work was successful! I really like my job! It is such a laid back atmosphere, and I think I will be kept busy most of the time. I have my own desk and computer and email and everything! the strangest thing is, at 5:00 (or 3:30 on fridays for a couple more weeks) you can just get up and leave. You don't have to be finished with what you are doing, you don't have to be dismissed by a teacher or anything, you just leave! It's so great. I take my lunch every day and somedays get up the courage to eat in the break room..and try to make friends. Haha. but i got this free cup today.

which i love. i know it's silly, but its a plastic cup with a plastic straw! I guess silly things get more exciting when you are an adult..or i am just still in college mode where anything i get that is free automatically goes up to the top of my favorite things list.

and this week i got to see brian. which was so great too. and smags my little sister is a kappa at arkansas!

so i started off my adult life with a great week. and it is weird not being back in manhattan, going to class but I LOVE IT. because school and tricia don't mix.

but working all day is tiring. and i go to bed very early every night. which is okay with me. for now.

thats all.

what I have been waiting for.

well, all the big things this summer have happened, I have moved, gone to weddings, visited texas, and started a new life in a city i have been in my whole life. but it is new and it is good.

and it is what I have been waiting for. Last year at this time, I was beyond excited to move into my own house for my last year of college. (Say it with me-- SENIOR YEAR) I had no clue what last year would bring, but I thought I was ready. I wasn't prepared for the Dark Cloud of Doom that lived over our house first semester. There were tears, anxiety, heartache and laughter. I learned a lot about trusting God during that semester, and it has brought me here today. I now city in my room in downtown Kansas City, ("The Hood" as my mother refers to it) which is the only place I knew I didn't want to be.. but randomly one night I applied for an internship here, and SURPRISE--God had other plans for me. He knows my heart, and he knows that this is the best place for me. Isn't God funny-- the one place I said I did not want to be-he puts me? But I have a peace about it. For the next year, at least. I am so excited to start working on Monday, waking up and having something to do, which has not been the case all summer. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year, what lessons he will teach me, but I hope and pray that I can just live like he wants me to. I can hear his voice and follow his leading. It will be an adjustment, it already has been, but it has been good. I hope the dark cloud of Doom doesn't return, and this time next year, I could be in a completely different city, and that is exciting--but I don't know what is going to happen.

all I know is that I am so excited to start work on monday.

and even more excited to see Brian after 9 weeks of him being in Africa.

Next week-will be a good week. I start life as an official grown up.

wish me luck.