things i have been thinking about recently.

so, since i last posted, i have been pretty busy. i have gone to manhattan, twice. and partied it up with good friends. i love manhattan...i probably is my favorite place at the moment. i just love the comfort of knowing where everything is, being in a town where i know that the majority of people my age, not knowing what they are doing with their lives, and just enjoying each others company- meeting new friends and doing crazy college things. so fun.

i have also been babysitting. i babysit little girls that are around the age of three. a lot of the times, they want to watch tv..so i let them watch one show..and during the show, i think things like this:

• there are people whos jobs is to create this show about animals who sing songs about doing things like sharing

• and some of their jobs include being the voices of these animals, or appearing on the show themselves, singing about saying please and thank you

do these people have a dream of being academy award winning actors? do they think they can work their way up from this show on Nick Jr? or where they sleeping in a car on the side of the road and this is the only job they can get?

so then i did a little research, and found out this guy went to Yale...and now he is in the hit band, The Fresh Beat Band.

i mean, i'm not making fun..i just think it would be funny when you were meeting a new group of people..and they were all like "what do you do?" oh, "i create tv shows for preschoolers, i write the songs that are on The Fresh Beat Band". but, it would also be really cool.

i have also been busy at work and doing things to help me in my next job. cover letters suck.

but my website is back up-so check it out.

jobs i don't want. a lesson i learned from my snow day

the following are jobs i would never want because they don't get snow days.

• banker. shout-out to billy who had to work today.

• news anchor- not only do you have to get to work, on time, because the news goes on, but you have to go stand outside to report that yes, in fact it is still snowing. because people can't look out the window and see this for themselves?

• mail men. our mail got delivered today. yes, it was for someone who used to live here, but it still got delivered. and i bet those mail trucks are not warm.

• snowplow guys. obviously

• bus drivers. they didn't cancel the Metro until 8pm tonight. those suckers got stuck all day.*

but i spent my snow day happily making homemade pizza, watching charlie st. cloud and inception, eating mara's sloppy joes, making brownies, and playing just dance. and i am thankful that i work in a place that likes to shut down for snow.

*this was something new to watch on the news, the busses getting stuck, because we watched the news all day. they kept interrupting ellen, and oprah, don't they realize people don't get to watch Ellen and Oprah every day, and on this special snow day, they get to, so PLEASE don't keep interrupting to say "It is still snowing outside"..DUH

i'm scared.

so, as i have mentioned in previous posts, my life this year has many similarities to my life last year. and i am beginning to see it more and more. like last year, when my back was in a constant state of tightness. i couldn't sleep, i couldn't get past the "why is my upper back hurting so much" thought in my mind, and it was like this until the summerish. i think i get this way when i get stressed. so, ya'll i must be stressed.

this past thursday, we get lots of snow. well i guess we got it wednesday night, but our office closed on thursday. we got our second snow day in two weeks. it was great. so i decided to spend some much needed time alone at a coffee shop (something i miss doing so much, because i miss the coffee shops in manhattan, starbucks just isn't the same, and i am not hipster enough to go sit in a coffee shop in midtown/westport) and on my way to starbucks, i am listening to Taylor Swift, as I often resort to when there is nothing on the radio, and everyone knows her songs are all about this great story of falling in love and what not. and then it hit me.

i am scared out of my mind to get in a relationship again. not that i am anywhere close to this happening, but the more i think about it, the more i am scared of it. scared of letting someone else know me, know the depths of me, becoming vulnerable, letting them in, and then risking the pain and hurt of the idea that once they do get to know me, changing their mind and deciding they don't like the person i am. scares me out of my freaking mind.

and then i start thinking about where i will be in 6 months. a new job, possibly a new city/state. and part of me is all like "YES! A new start! Somewhere fun!" and then once i sit down and really think about it. it is so scary. going to a new place, alone, possibly not knowing a soul, and starting over. having to make new friends, new relationships, find a whole new life. and living alone. and knowing that it is so easy to just coup up in your apartment for the day, watching movies or wasting time on facebook, and then thinking that i could easily fall victim to that a lot more then i should if i ever do move somewhere i don't know anyone. and it scares me.

so as i sit here, reflecting on my life now, and last year, i have to remember that the God of the universe loves ME. and I am his daughter. and he has a plan for me. and he knows what i can take and what i can't. and he will provide. and this is becoming something i have to tell myself every morning when i get up, and every time i start searching for my next life move. look what he has done this year in my life-right? i thought it was going one way, and he took parts of what i thought would be in the equation out, and i am fine.

but it is so hard to give him full control of all of these things i am worried about. and the fact that i am worried about them means i have not given them over to God. and i need to. daily. daily. daily. because he knows what is best for me. and he knows what is best for you. and he has the whole world in his hands.

so friends, readers, whoever. next time i am all freaking out about my future, and complain about how tight my back is, remind me of this. because i can quickly forget.

Psalm 91

You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing (not even being alone, or having a job)—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

^14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. (and at my party, we will dance!)
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"

my life.

my life last year january:

• single

• graduating in may

• wanting an adventure

• not knowing what to do with my life

• but having fun

my life this year january:

• single

• done with internship in may

• wanting an adventure

• scared of applying for jobs

• having fun

• figuring out who i am.

and between this january and last i have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, as i'm sure everyone does in a year. but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

my mom always says that you figure out who you are in the first couple years out of college. and i believe her, mostly because she is my mom, but i am slowly figuring out more and more about myself, and who i want to be in the world, and who God wants me to be in the world.

so wish me luck, and hopefully in the next 6 months i will have a post telling all you readers (like the 2 of you) that i got a real time, big girl job, and i am moving to some awesome place on an adventure. and next january i won't have to dread job searching spring.

my dream

well, friends. i have discovered my dream. my sister is getting married this summer, and I am lucky enough to get to design her invitations. this is a win-win situation, because she is saving money, and i am getting to do something i love.

so to be in the know of what is going on around the wedding invitation world, i have started following all these wedding/invitation blogs. and they are so great, and give me the best ideas and a new found love for paper and design. that being said. i want a letter press machine. and i want a little shop out of my house. and i want a blog that people follow. and i want to design invitations for the best moments of peoples lives.

so, i am at the beginning stages of this dream of mine. trying to figure out exactly how to do all this. and how to accomplish this in my life.

and for all you engaged's out there, i know there are a lot, if you need some invitations done, and are willing to take a chance on me..i promise to work with you until we get exactly what you want!

so, once i get things finalized and designed. i will post them here, for you all to enjoy.

a photo post.

so, it is christmas eve eve, and it's strange. it doesn't feel much like christmas, but I am still excited to spend the next week with my family and friends. But here is what has been going on in my life the past couple of weeks, brought to you by my iphone.

The sprint center game with my dad!, pullen-less. but still fun.

flowers at work! aren't they so pretty? so great, my friends are the best. i really am incredibly blessed.

stuff i made for a convention at work. success!

this is cale, he is holding boxers that say "Butt Quack". we picked them out for Ryan at the gift exchange at work. ryan had to leave early, so we were in charge of getting his present-he was a little dissapointed. most everyone else got beer.

cookie decorating in lawrence with katie and whit- it was so fun!

so that is what i have been up to, keeping pretty busy! i love my job, my roommate, and my life right now. I am focusing on the good in it, and know that when the time is right, God will send me on the next journey- to who knows where!

enjoy your holiday!

bottoms up to 2010

as i sit here, cuddled up in my favorite k-state sweatshirt (duh, it's winter, so i have it on all the freaking time), i can't help but think about the past year of my life. 2010. it had its ups and downs, like all years do- but overall, i can say that i learned a lot about who i am. i have now been graduated for 7 months, and i honestly have forgotten college life. it is so great to have a routine, and the weeks go by so quickly. i am learning SO much at work, and I get to do things i really enjoy doing.

while i am often envious of my friends back at k-state, that they get to go to games/all live within 5 minutes of each other, i am starting to realize that that chapter of my life is over. and the next one is just beginning. people around me are growing up, getting married, moving all over and becoming real functioning members of society.

in 2010 i went through joy, stress, heartbreak, unhappiness, confusion, and so much more. and i look forward to what 2011 is going to bring. there is so much unknown in my life, but when i think about it, the more i think about how God knows exactly what my life will entail. he knows what is going to come in the future, and he is preparing me for it with every life step i take.

and now i am watching the scene in chronicles of narnia and they are about to kill aslan. and it is such an incredible portrayal of what Jesus did for us. and it is beautiful.

peace out homeboys and here is to 2011.