reflections on the past year

I swore off blogging after I had to read my blogs in front of my coworkers and the interweb..but I was lying in bed (not sleeping, cause thats what I do) thinking about things..and I just had to share my wisdom to my readers (do I still have any?!).

I subscribe to this thing called Timehop Abe, and it sends you your tweets from a year ago. A year ago today, I was waiting for a call, about a job. I had gone on an interview, and I was having anxiety attacks about my future. I got a call almost a year ago today that turned my life around. I got a job, in Norman, Oklahoma.

I've been in Norman for almost a year--which is crazy. I am not in job searching mode after a year, I don't have to move, this is my life. My life is in Norman, Oklahoma..even a year ago, I would have told you there is NO way that would be possible.

And after a year of life in Norman, it is starting to feel at home here. Let me tell you, it is HARD to move somewhere knowing no one. You have the chance to become whoever you want to be. It is extremely hard to meet people when you don't live in a big city (I'm assuming if I lived in Chicago or KC or somewhere, it would be easier to meet young professionals, but I could be wrong.) No, in Norman, if you look like a college student (which I do), then people assume you are (which I am not.) There were and probably will be, weekends when the only other human I talk to is the cashier at Target. There are days when sit on the couch for hours, because I don't have anything else to do, or anyone else to see---and then there are weekends when I am really busy-doing random things.

I was so lucky to have so many people come visit me over the past year. Family, college friends, NAIA friends, it was so great to have people excited about my new life and want to experience it. It really helped get through the winter months.

I spent a year church hopping. I have finally found a community that I feel comfortable in, and excited about. That is a HUGE blessing. There is so much God is doing in Norman, and I can finally feel apart of it, and help out with it.I am really excited to see where Providence Road will lead me.

I am still single, which I am 99.5% okay with. I'm not going to lie, there is .05% (okay, lets be honest, probably more)..that wishes I had someone to come home to at night. Someone that understood what I was going through day to day, and helping me through it. (and once in a while cooking me dinner...#dreaming). Part of me honestly wonders if I will meet someone in Norman and never leave Oklahoma...but I'm not going to worry about it. A lot of times when I talk to people, I feel like I am behind in life because I am not married-but inside, I know that I am not behind, and God is preparing someone for me right now. I just have to be patient. (which I am not).

This year has been hard, not the hardest year of my life, but hard. I have learned so much about myself, who I am, what I am good at, what my idols are, my insecurities, and I have grown. You can't not grow when you up and move to somewhere random. I am so thankful for all the experiences I have had over the past year, and I look forward to seeing what happens this upcoming year.

thanks for reading..whoever still does.

i knew i should have taken this blog down..

well, if you a reader of this blog, you should look forward to this:

http://www.humayliation.com/

(where i will dramatically read posts  from this blog. start sending in the money)

single life.

i would like to start off by saying i do not have the crazy. i am a normal, 23 year old girl trying to figure out what things mean. and this is my story.

i went out one night with a friend. we went to a club. we danced. (obviously). two stepping, wobbling, dougieing etc. i had some drinks in me, i won't lie, but just a couple...no signs of Katricia.

saw a guy dancing with some friends. this is one thing i find extremely attractive...a guy who isn't afraid to dance. so, me and my friend went up and started dancing with him. (this friend of mine is really good about just going up to people, she doesn't care what they think, this is a good type of friend to have when you are single).

dancing boy asked me to two step. i said yes. (i had learned to two step the night before with another dude, we will call him 'abercrombie'. cause, who wears abercrombie graphic tees these days?). anyways. i am not the best two stepper. but me and dancing dude had a good time.

after the song was over, we went separate ways. kept running into each other the rest of the night, danced a couple more times. started talking. ended the night with him giving me his card...which i put in my back pocket and went our separate ways. ran in to abercrombie on the way out. mistake.

but then i left with dancing dudes name and number in the back of my pocket. so the curiosity got the best of me, and i found him on facebook. he seemed like a decent guy, so i added him.

we started chatting and stuff, and met back up the following weekend at the club. we danced some more. it was still fun. then the next day we hung out. i guess that is what you call a date. when i realized that, i went into freak out mode. i don't know what to do on dates?! is that what i just did? we went out to dinner, played wii and watched a movie...i guess, yes, that counts as a date.

then we kept texting/talking etc., and went to a thunder game. it was still fun but i am still not sure what i think about this dude. in the past, i have started dating guys so fast into realizing i liked them...and that didn't really work out. I think that now i am out of college, the pressure is off a little. i am now working, don't have all the time in the world to hang out with someone else and don't live 5 minutes from everyone. dating is something you kinda just do when you are my age i suppose, which i am learning. Living in a new place with people who are 30 and still single has made me realize that i am not weird for not being married at 23.

and now that i am going on dates with someone, (so that is "dating", right?) i think i am not ready for a relationship. i like being single. i like doing whatever i want whenever i want it. yes, i do miss someone to cuddle with on the couch and someone to kiss, but i still am trying to figure out what i want in someone else and i don't really know how to date, but i guess i am figuring it out. I want to take this time to do a really good job at work, and to further my career and to become a strong women who doesn't NEED a man. I will have the rest of my life with someone, and i don't want to rush that. i want to make sure that whoever i spend the rest of my life is someone i WANT to spend the rest of my life with..i want it to be my best friend. and that is going to take time, and i am learning to be okay with that.

(i would like to note that i wrote this while watching the bachelor. those girls have the crazy.)

reflections on 11

so, as i sit here, eating popcorn and watching Say Yes to the Dress, (which has become somewhat of a friday night ritual, dang you TLC wedding fridays) I can't help but think about where I was a year ago (lets be honest, probably wearing what I am wearing now-my favorite k-state sweatshirt, which I was for sure wearing two years ago)...and if you asked me then if i thought I would be living in Norman Oklahoma, home of the sooners, and working at Old Hat, I would have told you HAHA NO. and probably said some bitter/sarcastic/clever remark...i've become pretty good at those.

so let me tell you about my two thousand eleven.
I brought in the new year surrounded by friends at candince and eric's wedding-which was so fun. great people, great dancing.
I continued my internship at the NAIA, and soon came March and the basketball tournament we had been preparing for the whole year.
...that is when i got food poisoning.  Now, food poisoning might be the worst thing you could ever get. (besides a terminal illness I suppose). I was alone in my apartment, roommate and mom out of town--but luckily my dad took me to the hospital and sat with me while i was hooked up to an IV for a couple hours.

In april, I turned 23 (my michael jordan year) and decided this year i was going to be edgy. Now, a lot of people were all like "what does that even mean?" and so I did this:

boom. edginess. and I have not regretted it once.

then my internship ended and i got to move down to the NAIA Eligibility Center. I got to know the people at the NAIA and had some pretty fun and epic nights hanging out with them. The summer went by so fast! but this might be the highlight.. NKOTBSB concert with pooler.










this is her face after she sang with jordan knight. it was epic.

then in july, I finally got a brother in law! my sisters wedding was perfect and beautiful and so.much.fun. she looked so pretty







and I caught the bouquet. don't worry, everyone got the scouting report...they knew what they were up against.


Then in August, this tweet changed my life.

read about that here

So-I packed up my cute little car chester, and headed south to start my life in Norman, Oklahoma. 

I traveled all around oklahoma, kansas and texas in the months following my move. 

my bestie got married...

and I loved being a part of her special day. 

I can't believe Christmas is already over and we are starting in on 2012. I had a wonderful Christmas-where each year, I am blessed with great family time and presents. 2012 will be a year full of ice cream and coffee thanks to my new ice cream maker and keurig. 

2012, although starting off with a low key weekend where I will get to play a little golf and spend the weekend reflecting on my year, the start of it is going to to be full of friends coming to visit. I get to go to the Cotton Bowl, then get to see k-state ichthus folks when they come to OKC on a little trip, then all my favorite boys are coming down for a weekend full of basketball. and more friends are coming down in the following weekends!

I am so blessed with everything, and I am continued to wonder why God blesses some in the way he does, and why some are not. But I am learning about things I need and don't need, and hope to share my blessings with people who deserve them. 

I am not sure what the year 2012 will bring. I can't even begin to think about what God has in store for me. Will I make friends in Norman? Will I find a church? I am sure that God will give me what I need in his time, and for now, I will continue to reflect on what God has given me and praise him for everything. 

I am not sure what my 24th year will be. i've had years of sassiness, edginess, and (some say) bitterness.. but I have 4 months to figure that out..I'll keep you posted.

Hope you had a great 2011 and here is to a great 2012! cheers.  

chick flick life

so.
i have decided my life is a chick flick. or...is going to be.

most every chick flick, the girl lives alone, has a sweet job, and a cute apartment.
and then they have a best friend side kick.
and then a boy.

so, i live alone, have a pretty sweet job and a very cute apartment. (well its on its way to be really cute)

i'm working on getting a best friend side kick..
and then comes the boy part...how will it happen? here are some situations i came up with based on chick flicks i have recently watched:

• will we meet online, not tell the other person any personal information and then meet in person and not know that we are falling in love online. (chance of this happening-slim to none, because of technology-too many ways to find out who is who)

• will i decide to take a vacation and house swap with someone across the world and fall in love with her brother? (chance of this happening-slim to none, i have no money to do such a thing, or vacation days for that matter)

• will i be in a ton of weddings as a bridesmaid and have a newspaper writer fall in love with me, but then write a story about how many weddings I have been in and I will hate him until I realize I love him? (chance of this happening-slim to none. Yes, I go to a lot of weddings, but i don't know that any of them have newspaper writers there)

• will i be that girl that is someones "dream" girl and spend 500 days with them before breaking their heart  and finding another guy? (Chance of this happening-slim to maybe: but I don't think I will ever be someone's dream girl and there is no way i would dump a cutie like Joseph Gordon-Levitt)

• will i get hit on by a very attractive womanizer who i don't give the time of day to until it is raining and I find him in the bar and run up and kiss, and then spend the night talking and falling in love? (chance of this happening: possible-i would kill for a dramatic "run in and kiss him" moment and to spend the night talking about anything and everything)

well. so. i don't think that any of those are going to be my  "chick flick" but i am convinced that i will have a great story on how i meet my dream man. cause i always have great stories for things like that.

props to whoever reads this and can figure out which movies i am talking about..

busy

my life in oklahoma:

work.
watch friends. (probably the best show ever created)
sleep.
repeat x5.

my weekends.
this weekend: stillwater
next weekend: manhattan
next next weekend: stillwater
next next next weekend: kc for my best friends wedding!
next next next next weekend: norman
next next next next next weekend: kc for thanksgiving

life in oklahoma is great, very busy.

there's my update. how you doin?!

bobo's chicken.

last night i experienced a true oklahoma gem. bobo's chicken. yes, it's only open on friday and saturday nights from 8 to whenever they want to close, and yes, it may not be in the best place in town, but oh my goodness it was to die for.

all week at work i heard about bobo's. "first they smoke it, then they fry it, then they pour honey all over it" but words do not do this chicken justice. it is incredible. so, on friday night at 8:30, us old hatters left norman for downtown OKC, and bobo's chicken. We stood in line, smelling the deliciousness, waiting for our chance to tell Bobo what we wanted. I ordered a 4 piece, but to my surprise, i ate four pieces and still had four left. (Bobo isn't good at counting, but i'm not complaining.)

after we each got our chicken, we drove to bricktown to eat in a parking lot. in the back of a pickup. yep. classy. but it was good. sooo good. and the leftovers were just as good.

awesome.

love from oklahoma,
tricia

new life.

friends.

I have moved. I have my stuff, and I am starting to settle in. It has been a crazy week for me. i moved down on monday, found a place and started working on tuesday. I got my cute little apartment on wednesday and stayed on a air mattress until my mom brought down all my stuff on saturday. work/moving/getting settled has kept me busy for the past week, and it is weird when i start thinking that i moved here. there is no end date for my job (at least lets hope so..) but i am, like a real adult now! I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for me here, because I know that this is where I am supposed to be, the way things happened, I know that it is right. Now I just need to find a good, solid church to get involved in and keep me spiritually fed and provide me with community and relationships that will help me feel more at home here in Norman. The job is going great, I think I have started to get a hang of things and get in the groove of what I need to do, although I know I still have a lot of learning still to do. ..but to give you a glimpse into my Monday, just think of when you used to play dodgeball..

yes. at work today, we played dodgeball as a team building exercise..and we watch arrested development at lunch. what up.

ok, here is a little glimpse of my life in Norman.

Kitchen. Love it, I will be cooking a lot. (freshly made warm brownies are currently on the stove..come visit, will ya?)

TV, with antenna, yes, i finally have a salary, but I will not pay for cable.

Closet. for the first time in 5 years, I have a closet that I can walk in. #totaljocomove

so yes, my life has drastically changed, and I don't think it has fully hit me yet, so I'll keep you posted when it does. 

love from oklahoma.

tricia

new life.

refer to last post.

see you there.

i refuse to settle.

on a job i hate

on a man that isn't worth it

on a life full of things i am not happy with.

because i am good enough.

for the job i love

for a man that loves me the way God made me

for a life that is full of happiness and success.

i refuse to let the fact that i am moving back home tell me that i am not good enough.

and i am thankful that i have parents that will welcome me back, and encourage me to keep pursuing the life i deserve.

and i know, that eventually, i will look back at this time and know that the path i took only made me stronger.

what would you do?

what would you do if you applied to lots of jobs but still don't have one, your current job ends august 31st, your lease ends august 31st and you don't really want to stay in the city you are in? also, your mom has been counting down the days until she is an empty nester..and moving back in isn't really something you want to do..

please. i would love to know..not like i am in this situation..at all...

doctors

remember that one time i got food poisoning and the bill was so expensive?

it was then when i decided doctors are over rated. yeah sure, i probably would have been found dead on my couch if i didn't go..but that is besides the point.

then i couldn't hear out of both of my ears ...so i gave in and went to the minute clinic. they misdiagnosed me.

so then i gave in a week later and went to the real doctor and they fixed my ears. but still, it was expensive.

so now. i have been sick for a week..and i refuse to go to the doctor. stubborn? yes. miserable? absolutely. but they aren't taking my money.

timeline of being sick:

last thursday: woke up at 8:20. slept through both my alarms. throat killing me. decided i must be getting sick. went home from work early and slept.

last friday: still sick. didn't stay out late and partied... tried to get better, throat still killing me.

saturday: woke up feeling slightly better, but not 100%. went to a wedding. danced too much.

sunday: woke up with no voice. scared little kids at church with my lack of voice. slept most of the day

monday: went to work. no voice still. people were all like "why are you here? go home!" but i didn't. i hate missing work, i feel like i am letting people down. had emotional breakdown when i got home not about just being sick, but about my life mom made me stay home the next day

tuesday: didn't get out of bed until 5pm. (seriously)

wednesday: went to work, thought i was feeling up to it. lies. came home early and slept. and now my ears are starting to hurt. ahhh

which leads me to right now. here i am. my nose is all dry. my trashcan is all full of kleenex and i have large amounts of dayquil/nyquil on me at all times.

hopefully it is almost over. and maybe next time i won't be so stubborn and go to the doctor at the first sign of sickness.

such is my life. jealous?

dear people who's lives look like they are perfect to the world...

please have a breakdown in public so us who's lives aren't perfect know that you lives aren't so great either.

love,

a person's who's life isn't perfect.

aka i just had a breakdown in a public place and it was embarrassing and i want to know that it happens to everyone.

love again,

#soontobejobless,homeless,andhopeless

yes, i just hashtagged in a blog. but i don't care, i've got bigger problems. (see above)

edgy.

well. another 3 jobs applied for. I am getting tired of all this applying. I just want to hear back from someone and get an interview! Maybe my cover letter isn't steller? you think that is my problem?! Anyone want to read it for me?...

Anyways, as I keep applying for jobs, I am getting sad I am going to leave the NAIA. I like it there. I like the people I work with.Last week was the NAIA National Convention in KC and so it was another 5 solid days of working long hours, but I loved it. I loved getting to serve people, I loved getting to hang out with the staff, and I loved getting to meet membership. I didn't care that I was getting up at 7am and not getting home until midnight, or that I didn't see my roommate for 3 days cause I left before she got up and got home after she went to bed. but she is the best roommate cause she bought me new milk after mine went old so i could eat breakfast in the morning. she ROCKS.
But yes, I will miss the other interns and young'ons. we have started to really bond, get to know each other and have fun, outside of work.

i even got those silly boys to dance with me. #winning.

Someone once told me they thought I could work anywhere, as long as I enjoyed the people I work with. I think I could see that. I have been applying all over the place (add LSU, Marquette, and Boston U to the map). And I am not worried. I think that God knows what he is doing and is going to send me to exactly the right place. where I will be pulled in new ways, I will grow and learn so much and continue to do what I love. I really think I have found my passion--who would have known it would be working in College Athletics!? It all started with yearbook in high school- sports editor 2 years in a row thank you very much.
We had a panel of past and current student athletes at the Convention Kickoff and one of the current athletes said "they say college is about finding yourself, but i believe it is about creating yourself" and i think that is true, and no, i am not in college anymore, but i am still creating myself.

and i am pretty awesome, just saying.

clearly.

jobsearch2011

job search 2011 has begun.

wish me luck.

realizations.

i worked 31 basketball games in 6 days.

realized i miss working basketball games.

must find job where i can work games.

every college that has a marketing opening..here i come.

lost in basketball.

ok friends. it's that time.

march maddness..so to start off this post, i went back and looked at things i wrote about the past couple of marches, and they have been emo and fun but mostly emo. so sorry readers. and last year i started out with something about april maddness coming after march maddness but let me tell you, that shiz isn't happening this year. that april maddness crap. it doesn't work out for me, so look for it some other month.

but this year, i don't have spring break, i am grown up. and have a (somewhat) grown up job which involves watching 31 basketball games through-out this next week.

yeah my job rocks

and while i will be frantically checking k-state's score during this time. it will be worth it.

i have also started watching LOST. and it was a mistake. because what the heck? how does a polar bear end up on an ISLAND? and what-you just strip off in your underwear and go swimming? you have been stuck on an island with random items, yet you have a razor and can just shave and look that good in your underwear? that is not realistic.

but i have to go somewhere that doesn't trick you with it's weather. 65 degrees saturday, snow monday and 70 thursday? WHAT.

ok, if you find yourself sitting around this week and want some fun/inexpensive entertainment-head down to Municipal Auditorium and say hi!

things i have been thinking about recently.

so, since i last posted, i have been pretty busy. i have gone to manhattan, twice. and partied it up with good friends. i love manhattan...i probably is my favorite place at the moment. i just love the comfort of knowing where everything is, being in a town where i know that the majority of people my age, not knowing what they are doing with their lives, and just enjoying each others company- meeting new friends and doing crazy college things. so fun.

i have also been babysitting. i babysit little girls that are around the age of three. a lot of the times, they want to watch tv..so i let them watch one show..and during the show, i think things like this:

• there are people whos jobs is to create this show about animals who sing songs about doing things like sharing

• and some of their jobs include being the voices of these animals, or appearing on the show themselves, singing about saying please and thank you

do these people have a dream of being academy award winning actors? do they think they can work their way up from this show on Nick Jr? or where they sleeping in a car on the side of the road and this is the only job they can get?

so then i did a little research, and found out this guy went to Yale...and now he is in the hit band, The Fresh Beat Band.

i mean, i'm not making fun..i just think it would be funny when you were meeting a new group of people..and they were all like "what do you do?" oh, "i create tv shows for preschoolers, i write the songs that are on The Fresh Beat Band". but, it would also be really cool.

i have also been busy at work and doing things to help me in my next job. cover letters suck.

but my website is back up-so check it out.

jobs i don't want. a lesson i learned from my snow day

the following are jobs i would never want because they don't get snow days.

• banker. shout-out to billy who had to work today.

• news anchor- not only do you have to get to work, on time, because the news goes on, but you have to go stand outside to report that yes, in fact it is still snowing. because people can't look out the window and see this for themselves?

• mail men. our mail got delivered today. yes, it was for someone who used to live here, but it still got delivered. and i bet those mail trucks are not warm.

• snowplow guys. obviously

• bus drivers. they didn't cancel the Metro until 8pm tonight. those suckers got stuck all day.*

but i spent my snow day happily making homemade pizza, watching charlie st. cloud and inception, eating mara's sloppy joes, making brownies, and playing just dance. and i am thankful that i work in a place that likes to shut down for snow.

*this was something new to watch on the news, the busses getting stuck, because we watched the news all day. they kept interrupting ellen, and oprah, don't they realize people don't get to watch Ellen and Oprah every day, and on this special snow day, they get to, so PLEASE don't keep interrupting to say "It is still snowing outside"..DUH

i'm scared.

so, as i have mentioned in previous posts, my life this year has many similarities to my life last year. and i am beginning to see it more and more. like last year, when my back was in a constant state of tightness. i couldn't sleep, i couldn't get past the "why is my upper back hurting so much" thought in my mind, and it was like this until the summerish. i think i get this way when i get stressed. so, ya'll i must be stressed.

this past thursday, we get lots of snow. well i guess we got it wednesday night, but our office closed on thursday. we got our second snow day in two weeks. it was great. so i decided to spend some much needed time alone at a coffee shop (something i miss doing so much, because i miss the coffee shops in manhattan, starbucks just isn't the same, and i am not hipster enough to go sit in a coffee shop in midtown/westport) and on my way to starbucks, i am listening to Taylor Swift, as I often resort to when there is nothing on the radio, and everyone knows her songs are all about this great story of falling in love and what not. and then it hit me.

i am scared out of my mind to get in a relationship again. not that i am anywhere close to this happening, but the more i think about it, the more i am scared of it. scared of letting someone else know me, know the depths of me, becoming vulnerable, letting them in, and then risking the pain and hurt of the idea that once they do get to know me, changing their mind and deciding they don't like the person i am. scares me out of my freaking mind.

and then i start thinking about where i will be in 6 months. a new job, possibly a new city/state. and part of me is all like "YES! A new start! Somewhere fun!" and then once i sit down and really think about it. it is so scary. going to a new place, alone, possibly not knowing a soul, and starting over. having to make new friends, new relationships, find a whole new life. and living alone. and knowing that it is so easy to just coup up in your apartment for the day, watching movies or wasting time on facebook, and then thinking that i could easily fall victim to that a lot more then i should if i ever do move somewhere i don't know anyone. and it scares me.

so as i sit here, reflecting on my life now, and last year, i have to remember that the God of the universe loves ME. and I am his daughter. and he has a plan for me. and he knows what i can take and what i can't. and he will provide. and this is becoming something i have to tell myself every morning when i get up, and every time i start searching for my next life move. look what he has done this year in my life-right? i thought it was going one way, and he took parts of what i thought would be in the equation out, and i am fine.

but it is so hard to give him full control of all of these things i am worried about. and the fact that i am worried about them means i have not given them over to God. and i need to. daily. daily. daily. because he knows what is best for me. and he knows what is best for you. and he has the whole world in his hands.

so friends, readers, whoever. next time i am all freaking out about my future, and complain about how tight my back is, remind me of this. because i can quickly forget.

Psalm 91

You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
I trust in you and I'm safe!"
That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you're perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
Fear nothing (not even being alone, or having a job)—not wild wolves in the night,
not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
not disaster that erupts at high noon.
Even though others succumb all around,
drop like flies right and left,
no harm will even graze you.
You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
watch the wicked turn into corpses.
Yes, because God's your refuge,
the High God your very own home,
Evil can't get close to you,
harm can't get through the door.
He ordered his angels
to guard you wherever you go.
If you stumble, they'll catch you;
their job is to keep you from falling.
You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

^14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
"I'll get you out of any trouble.
I'll give you the best of care
if you'll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. (and at my party, we will dance!)
I'll give you a long life,
give you a long drink of salvation!"